When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Boobs speak an international language.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
