New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
