he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
