GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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