I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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