I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want nice things and good sex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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