So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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