Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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