If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
