She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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