I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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