So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
