she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
