my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.