thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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