overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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