Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He passed out mid-signature
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
