Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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