you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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