I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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