he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
