I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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