When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
