you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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