it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
