"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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