would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
