you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
