She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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