So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
