Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
