He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I checked into jail on foursquare
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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