Do you still have your period?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
