Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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