he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't put those talents on a resume
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Panties = found
Randomize
