i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
