I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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