today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i think im in europe. pls send help
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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