She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
