Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
