I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
