wakey wakey hands off snakey
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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