how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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