There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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