and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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