If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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