those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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