i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
