I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
