my phone needs a breathalizer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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