The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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