I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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