Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
