Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
