I can tuck mytits in my pants
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
