I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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