I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
