you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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