just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
