my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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