Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My feet surprised me
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