so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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