Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
