On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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