You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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