I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
