The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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