if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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