He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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