It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
