It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
