just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He has the fingertips of a God
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