This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
