idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
foreskin is a definite game changer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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