Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
