hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
