look no pants
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
