I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
