We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
