Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
