is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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