All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
