She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
