Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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