Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
